While the following list is not exhaustive, these are definitely clues that you are indeed married to a Filipina :-)

* Your refrigerator is always full but you cannot find any food that you recognize.

* Instead of a dowry, you receive the whole bill for the wedding and honeymoon.

* Most of the decorations in your house are made from wicker and/or seashells.

* You are supposed read her mind just by watching her eyebrows move up & down and watching which way her lips are pointed.

* Other than the above, her next most expressive form of communication are grunts and saying "Psssssssst".

* All her relatives think your name is Joe and you must be a multi-millionaire.

* The instant you are married you have 3,000 new close relatives.

* No, your house isn't really on fire, but there is a very charred fish right on top of the stove burner.

* All the desserts are sticky and all the snacks are salty.

* She eats seven times a day but still weighs under 100 pounds.

* She eats her fruit with giant salt crystals and her fried chicken with ketchup - very weird tasting ketchup.

* You throw a party and everyone is fighting to chop the leathery skin off the dead pig.

* All your kids have at least 3 middle names.

* When you telephone her, whoever answers says "For a while" and you want to know "For a while, what?".

* Your first Christmas present is a funny looking baggy see-thru shirt made out of leftover lace doilies.

* Your international telephone bill suddenly quadruples and each call averages 2 hours.

* She sweeps with something that witches usually fly around on.

* The rice cooker is on 24 hours a day and it uses up 50% of your electric and food budget.

* On your first trip to the Philippines, you have to haul 18 giant boxes that weigh 1000 pounds each, and your "carry on" luggage requires a small forklift truck.

* Your luggage is over-filled with things that cost an average of 15 cents each. The worst part is when you arrive in the Philippines, the same stuff you've been hauling around half way around the world is available in every local store for half the price!

* The first time she's pregnant you have to go out at 4:00 in the morning looking for some weird type of greasy sausages, green mangoes and bagoong (basically 2,000 year old dried fish paste !).

* Your daughter gets her ears pierced when she's 2 minutes old.

* Her favorite sauce is called patis. Americans call it turpentine.

* You were married 5 years before she explained to you that "ARAY!" does not  mean "Ooooh, baby!"

* She prefers bistek to beef steak.

* Her favorite meal is leftovers, her favorite fancy dessert is Jello mold and, for something REALLY romantic, she'll offer you a halo-halo with 2 straws !

* Her homeland has more Mega malls than islands.

* Before every holiday and visit, her family faxes you a 10 page "bilin" list which says "suggestion only".

* All the vegetables she buys at the Filipino store look like they were grown at Chernobyl.

* Your in-law's first visit lasted 5 years.

* Her friends are named Chinky, Lovely, Peaches, Girlie, Baby, Boy, Bing, Bong, Ding, Dong, Snooky, Pops or Bimbo however  you are not allowed to smirk.

* All your place settings has the silverware backwards and there are no knives.

* She expects you to eat rice with your bare hands.

* She's done her best job planning a surprise party for you if she manages not to tell you about it until a week or two before.

* She cleans her closet by moving all her rubbish  into your closet.

However, these things are a small price to pay for being married to the world's most beautiful, romantic, loyal, happy, supportive and loving women !